Have you ever?

Have you ever discovered your brother was killed in an accident, whilst driving on the same road? 

Have you ever had to ring every person in your families personal phone book, to deliver the devastating news to everyone of importance, so your parents could avoid reliving the horror over and over again?

Have you ever had to write your brothers name on a cross, place it on the side of the road, and drive past it numerous times a day? 

Have you ever pushed your emotions, your heartbreak, your devastation,down into a deep, dark hole to make sure everyone else was coping instead?

Have you ever had to read a eulogy for someone so young, so close to you, someone that should still be here celebrating life’s every up and down with you? 

Have you ever had to see your parents fall apart at the loss of their son, the immense grief, anger and shock, and wonder if it would’ve been easier on them had it been me instead? 

Have you ever had to pretend that you have it all together. To pretend you are in control, even when you need to fall to pieces, stay in bed and not deal with anyone or anything? 

Have you ever had to explain to your 3 year old toddler, that the uncle she idolised, will never again be there to tease and torment her. Never again make her laugh, give her copious amounts of sour worms, and never see her grow up? 

Have you ever wanted to scream, to punch something, to lose control because it feels like no one hears you, or can understand your pain? 

Have you ever smiled, reassured everyone you’re ok, even though you are completely void of any idea how you will survive this torture.

I have .